Egg Parenthood
by xXCobalt Kitsune-chanXx
Summary: Lavi pops the question, to which Allen's answer is surprisingly, yes. And so the two are husband and wife. Together taking care of their child, an egg named Timcampy, in the greatest three day marriage of their lives. Crack! Lavi/Allen Allen/Lavi


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**A/N- Ahh, I'm horrible, absolutely horrible. I start on new fanfics before even working on the second chapter of the fanfics that I'm actually supposed to be working on. TT_TT**

**It's really short. Sue me. I could have made this a huge-mongous multi-chap fic but that would require commitment, dedication, hard work, and all other things that I do not have. (or seem to care for. :PP) But it's here so...YAYYY. Claps for the puckish plot bunnies that rule over this pathetic authoress with a mighty fist of fear. (figurative language lesson-that was alliteration, kiddies *gets shot for mentioning language arts*)**

This has not been beta'd so sorry if there are any mistakes. ^^;;

**Allen acts out-of-character sometimes, but screw it. Sexy Allen is a happy fangirl! ToT**

**'cuse the naughty words and smexy times. =3=**

**But I need to get this one off my chest before all the other crap in my life makes me forget about it. So here you all go. A nice lil' oneshot...possibly twoshot. I don't know at the moment. (but at least I can finish this fanfic. ^_^)**

**Disclaimer- Amano-sama please get better and continue working on your awesomesauce manga, to which I am not the owner of.**

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**Holy (Fucked Up) Matrimony**

Allen's POV

"Allen! Allen~!" a familiar voice yelled from behind me. I stopped walking and turned around, a tall boy with red hair held up by a

bandanna and an eye patch covering up his right eye was sprinting towards me hurriedly. I sighed.

"What is it now, Lavi? I need to get to class or Nine-sensei will give me another detention." I drawled, my voice was low and tired. I really needed to remember to get another hour of sleep at night...

Lavi panted, clutching at his stomach and holding up a hand. "O-one minute..A-allen...I just n-need...*pant*...to catch my...breath." I turned.

"Goodbye, Lavi." I said as I started walking, but I was quickly pulled back from behind by a strong pair of hands and spun around. "H-huh?" I stood facing Lavi again. His hands were gripping my shoulders and were making me feel uncomfortable. The stare he was giving made me feel the same as well.

"Allen."

"W-what?" He took in a deep breath and exhaled sharply, the air blow straight into my face causing me to scowl. 'Mint..'

"Please be my wife for the rest of the week!" I blinked.

"...the hell?" I managed to say, my brain was still scrambling to process his idiotic request.

"Please, Allen! It's Tuesday today so it will only be for three more days!"

"..."

"...goodbye again, Lavi

," I said, breaking out of his hold and continuing to walk to class. Man, this will be my third detention this week...

**0x0x0 **

**Lavi's POV **

I caught up with Allen and explained my predicament to him. About how in Family Consumer Sciences,

Tiedoll-sensei had given us this dumb egg-caring project where we all had to partner up and take care of an egg for a week to prove that we could make sufficient parents. Originally, my partner had been a cute blonde named Lulu Bell, but after the first two days, she ditched me to spend the week at her Uncle Earl's house. Hmph. Fine. Bet he's fat.

Anyways, I asked around and it seemed as though every other remotely nice-looking girl had already been taken for the project.

Lenalee and Kanda.

Miranda and Krory.

Anita and Chaoji.

It just wasn't fair. But then I had an idea. Tiedoll hadn't said that our partners had to be of the opposite gender. So that meant I could pair with a guy too if push came to shove. And it did. So here I am begging Allen to be my wife.

...What? You think this is wrong? I don't think it's that big of a deal. Besides with a guy as good looking as me together with another guy, the ladies should be thanking me for all this fanservice. Plus, Allen wasn't so bad-looking himself...but that was another story.

Also, unbeknownst to him, Allen's the third most feminine male student at D. Gray Academy. First and second held by the fraternal twins, Jasdero and Debitto, respectively.

Ah, back to my current situation..

"Please, please, please, please, please, Allen! With whipped cream, hot fudge, sprinkles and cherries on top of a big ol' banana split!" I begged. Allen waved his hand angrily.

"Stop talking about food! You're making me hungry.." he whined, his stomach growling in agreement.

"So you'll help me then?!" I asked excitedly. Allen looked up at the ceiling, scratching the back of his head.

"Uhh, yeah, fine, I guess. All I've gotta do is take care of an egg with you for the next three days?" I nodded, my mood awfully pleasant since Alllen had agreed to holy matrimony with me for the next three days. "'kay, so where is it?" I blinked.

"Where is what?"

"The egg," I felt as though someone had dumped a bucket of ice down my drawers.

"CRAP!" I ran off. 'Shit, shit, shit! Where did I put it?'

Sigh..luckily I found it, I'd left the little guy...or girl, not sure, on my desk in Study Hall.

Allen and I decided it was best that he take charge of the egg. Besides I had something else in mind to do after this was all over...

**0x0x0 **

**Day One of Egg Parenthood **

**Regular POV **

"Allen! Hey, Allen! Look at this!"

Lavi exclaimed, Allen glanced up at Lavi from his mega-deluxe BLT that the people at McDonalds had gladly Super-sized for him.

"What is it now, Lavi?" Allen replied through a bite of his sandwich. Lavi put on a small pout.

"Aw, is that any way to talk to your husband?" Allen gave him a sharp glare and muttered and inaudible 'Like hell if I'm actually married to an idiot like you..'. "But, anyways, look!" Lavi turned around for a brief moment then reappeared with a small, blue minature baby pouch with letters spelling out '#1 Badass Dad' attached to his front. "Ta-da! What do you think?" Allen's surprised stare turned into a small smile, which in turn broke into a little laugh that Lavi had to admit, was very cute.

"That's great, Lavi. Ahaha.." he bent over the wooden lunch table and placed the egg inside Lavi's tiny contraption. "There. You may a weird dad, Timcampy, but at least he cares." Lavi's eyebrow rose a bit.

"Timcampy?" Allen nodded.

"Mhm. I got bored during World History and decided to give the egg a name." he replied. Lavi simply, 'ohh'ed then gave a small gasp, remembering something.

"Ah! Allen, I made one for you too!" Lavi pulled out an identical baby pouch only it was pink with a cute white bow and spelled the words "#1 Sexiest Mom". Allen turned white. "Well, thoughts? Comments? Hm? Hm-OUCH! Oww..whad eye shay?" Lavi asked, rubbing his bruised cheek.

**0x0x0 **

**Day Two of Egg Parenthood **

**Allen's POV **

'Damn you..five mile...run...' I thought to myself as I finished my third lap around the track. Great, seven more and I'll have three miles! Stupid gym. Who needs it? Not me that's who. I'm perfectly fine with eating massive amounts of food fit for a king and then vegitating on the couch watching TV while putting off late homework for the rest of my life.

"Hey Allen!" Lavi came up from behind me, scaring the hell out of my tired self.

"Ahh! Lavi...you jerk." I growled, closing my eyes and looking down at ground to try and get back 'into the zone'. Whatever that was.

"Wah..Allen, you're so slow." Lavi teased, jogging circles around me. A little tick mark appeared on my forehead.

"Shut it." I said, too exhausted to make a substantial insult in reply. Lavi grinned and then went to on to finish his run in front of me. I stared at his back for the rest of five mile. I didn't even bother trying to pass him because everytime I did he'd run faster and recover his place ahead of me lickity-split like it was nothing. He seemed content on escorting (or showing me up) through the entire five mile run.

Fine with me. He's tall enough to block the sun out of my eyes. Plus Lavi always wore cologne even during gym, not that it smelled all that bad, it actually smelled like some weird, but strangely pleasant mix of cinnamon and Axe. And compared to the stink of sweat coming from everyone else (including me), Lavi's scent was a breath of fresh air.

Lavi looked back at me and grinned, telling me to pick it up the pace again. I was even listening anymore. Staring at the ground in an effort to avoid staring mindlessly staring at the redhead in front of me took too much of my concentration.

I'd never say this out loud, nor admit to ever having thinking this, but...

Damn Lavi

and his semi-hot and sweaty body.

**0x0x0 **

**Day Three of Egg Parenthood **

**Normal POV **

Ohh..today's the day we finally turn Timcampy loose and into this wild world of ours. I'm gonna miss him." Lavi said, loudly blowing his nose into a Kleenex handed to him by Allen, his dear wife, who leaned away from Lavi as he blew his snot.

"You mean turn him into Tiedoll-sensei so you can get your grade?" Allen corrected. Lavi nodded.

"Yeah, that too." Allen sighed.

"I think I'm gonna miss Timcampy too. These past three days have been almost enjoyable." Lavi nodded again. The two turned the corner and stopped outside the door for the Family Consumer Science classroom. Allen hesitantly handed over Timcampy to Lavi who brought him up to his ear, much to Allen's weirded out'ed-ness.

"Oh, Timcampy? Hmm, is that so? Should we ask him?" Lavi said to the egg, seeming to be having a rousing, however one-sided, conversation with the egg. Allen simply turned away and chose to ignore it. He wouldn't have to say anything if he didn't see anything. "Okay, okay. I'll ask Momma-chan and we'll see what he says." Several tick marks appeared on Allen's head upon hearing Lavi's infamous nickname for him.

"Momma-chan...Lavi...would you happen to be referring to me...?" Allen said, his voice dripping with death. Lavi shook his head.

"Nope, Timcampy was. He was also wondering if he could get a goodbye hug from his parents." Lavi smiled. Allen blinked.

"O-okay. You first or me?"

"Same time. A group-hug kinda thing." Allen frowned.

"Are you sure it's not you who wants this 'group hug'?" Lavi grinned.

"Maybe. But it's Timcampy who suggested it. Well, what you do say, Allen?"

Allen sighed again for maybe the hundredth time in the past three days. "F-fine. But only since Tim-" He was cut off when Lavi tugged Allen into an embrace with his free hand, the other holding their egg in between them. Allen's face flushed with surprise and embarrassment. "H-hey.." They stayed like that for a couple minutes. Allen fidgeting uncomfortably when people passed by them and said something to their friends or made a look.

'This is kinda nice. Weird, but nice..' Allen thought off-handedly to himself.

Finally their heart-warming family hug ended when the bell rang, telling everyone that they only had a couple minutes to get to their next class or to get out the one they were in. Shortly after, Lavi went into the classroom and turned in his assignment. Allen went to his locker and got his stuff ready for his next period class.

Strangely, Lavi ignored him in the halls for the rest of the day. Allen was confused as to why but decided to brush it off as nothing.

His usually cheery attitude seemed to falter a bit.

**0x0x0 **

**Aftermath of Egg Parenthood **

**Normal POV **

"Allen, I have something to tell you. Do you have a minute?"

Lavi said to Allen one day during their lunch break. Allen had been sitting under a shady oak, cramming for a physics test next period. Allen was surprised that Lavi had actually come to talk to him, since the egg assignment had concluded he and Lavi hadn't said much to each other besides the occasional 'hi' in the hallways.

"Sure. Go ahead." Lavi sat down next to Allen under the tree and exhaled, head facing the sky while his eyes stared at Allen from the side. Allen mentally prepared himself for whatever Lavi was going to say. With Lavi, you never knew. Just look at all that had happened the past three days.

"Allen...

...

...I failed." Allen blinked multiple times.

"Huh?"

"I got an F on my egg assignment." Allen frowned.

"How is that? We took care the egg and everything. It had no cracks last time I checked." Lavi nodded.

"Yeah, but there was a written part of the assignment."

"Then why didn't you do the written assignment as well?" Lavi shrugged and answered with an ambiguous 'because". Allen pressed on. "Because why?"

"I had more fun doing the physical stuff with you." Lavi said with a smile. Allen felt his cheeks burn. That sounded...not right. Lavi noticed this and chuckled. "What I mean is, I enjoyed hanging out with you more. You prissy British transfer, you." Allen hadn't heard that one in a while. He'd transferred to D. Gray Academy back when he was in Junior High. Nonetheless, Allen's cheeks stayed the same shade of red as they were before.

"O-oh. Well I enjoyed it too. Stupid, red-headed perv." Lavi feigned offense.

"A pervert? Moi? How??" Allen rolled his eyes. That question required no answer. Lavi grinned. "Well, I'm glad you did as well. Otherwise I'd feel bad for doing this." And with that, Lavi planted his lips on Allen's.

Allen's eyes widened in shock. Lavi thought that the look of surprise and chocolaty taste of Allen's lips only added to the enjoyment factor he was receiving from the kiss. They sat there, kissing each other for couple seconds, Lavi giving Allen a few seconds to fully sink into the kiss. When he deemed that Allen was properly subdued, he decided to take it up a notch and began nibbling on Allen's lower lip. Who in return, let out a small gasp. Taking the small window of opportunity given to him, Lavi slid his tongue into Allen's mouth and began exploring.

In the back of Allen's head, his black self growled in dissatisfaction. Not because kissing Lavi wasn't entertaining to him (because it very much _was_), but because of the lack of "fun" Allen got to have with Lavi. And by "fun", he meant, having Lavi in his complete and utter control. In other words, Yami Allen wants to be seme.

Allen's black half wasn't ready to be dominated so easily and took over, retaliating subtlety. Locking his arms around Lavi's neck, Allen started tapping lightly with his fingernails on Lavi's neck, relishing the shudder and goosebumps he got in response from said redhead.

Lavi on the other hand, was amused that Allen could keep up with him at this stage. Usually the others would melt and become puddy in his hands, but Allen was different and Lavi liked that. After a few seconds of deliberation, Lavi decided it was time to use "that".

That being a technique he had perfected over years of practice and experience. And at the end of it, Lavi would be in full control of his prey and would be able to do whatever he wanted. He wondered how he should play it. Soft and comforting, for benefit of the other. Or quick and fiery, as to provide the most pleasure for Lavi, himself.

Lavi choose to go in the gray area. After all, this was not your average, everyday kiss with your girlfriend. It wasn't likely that another chance like this would come again anytime soon and so he wanted to make the best of it.

First, Lavi would speed up his pace and press his body up against the other and unless they were horny or desperate, the other party would retreat back an inch or two. In an attempt to make distance and provide security to themselves and not feel so overwhelmed. Allen did the expected and scooched back. Lavi, in return, closed up what little space was between them and Allen scooched back again.

The two repeated the cycle until Lavi had dear, sweet Allen pinned up against the weathered trunk of the oak tree. Allen looked up at Lavi and noticed how obviously outmatched he was in the enclosed space. His black self hatched a plan and Allen liked it. With a fake, little whimper, Allen put on a pout. The plan worked and upon seeing Allen's make-believe pout, Lavi sprouted a bright red blush and grew flustered.

With the ball in his field, Allen took the initiative and attacked Lavi's lips, using the same tactics Lavi had to used to gain access into his mouth and then-- ravage it.

He wrapped his arms gently around Lavi's neck then crashed most of his weight onto him. Naturally, the act was unexpected and Lavi fell down backwards from the weight with Allen on top of him.

"Ha. Never knew you to use such dirty tricks." Lavi said, his green eyes staring into Allen's pale grey irises. Allen smiled innocently.

"I learned from the best, I suppose.." he purred, seizing Lavi's lips yet again, in another mind-blowing kiss. Allen paused briefly and muttered into Lavi's ear, "Now isn't this more fun..?"

Lavi swallowed the lump in his throat and only grunted in reply, the heat that had been pooling in his stomach had suddenly started to travel south. In the back of his mind, a little chibi Lavi was fuming. Allen had completely taken over the operation and left him with an uncomfortable bulge in his pants. Totally unfair.

'Fine. Allen wants to play dirty. Two can play at that game..' he thought as he slowly and steadily began to grind his hips against Allen's. Allen froze and took a sharp intake of warm air mixed with the aroma of chocolate, mint, and some other unidentifable smell.

Allen groaned quietly, the friction Lavi was creating was a little to much for Allen to just brush off. The feeling it gave him was mind-consuming and extremely addictive. He didn't want it to stop and by the look on Lavi's face, it had no intention of doing so. Dainty fingers ensnared themselves against the black fabric of Lavi's shirt as Allen tried to take his mind off the tension building up in his lower abdomen. He surged again at Lavi's lips, silently telling the sneaky bastard to make the next move already.

Lavi kissed back with the same haste that Allen had and sent his own message-- 'You sure?'

Allen gave a single nod, his concentration and sharpness slipping away by the second. Lavi's hands made their way to zipper and button of Allen's pants. He'd finally won..

_DINGGGG _

_DINGGGG_

_DINGGGG_

The tardy bell sang throughout the school, screaming at slow students to hurry and get their asses to class. It stopped Allen dead in his tracks. 'Shit! I wasted an entire free period making out with Lavi! And now I have another detention!'

Lavi was sad. Why? Whyyyyyy did it have to end so soon?? It's not fair. He looked over at Allen who was grinding his teeth and flipping through his physics book like a madman. He tapped his shoulder. "Allen? Are you okay?"

"Yes. Lavi. I'm fine...now if you excuse me, I've got a physics test to flunk." He said through gritted teeth. Allen closed his book and got up, dusted himself off and began walking away. Lavi got up and caught up with Allen.

"Pick this up during detention tomorrow?" Lavi suggest, all sparkles and smiles. Allen sighed and kept walking.

"Maybe."

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**fin.**

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A/N- YAYYY for shitty ending. I'm a buzzkill, aren't I? All that hype for nothingggggg. *gets shot at* Ahh, hey...don't be angry. This was my first time writing a fic with that much "action" in it. O.o I don't plan on writing any lemons at the moment so tough. I've readddd plenty of them though. *gets shot at again* I wasn't planning on ever writing a smex scene for this fic anyway so mah. Besides...they're outside their school under an oak tree. Any creepy dude or dudet could come over and start watching...o.o (I might be the dudet..but *shot again*) XP

Omigosh. I thought I'd never finish with this oneshot. I worked on it for a whole night (stayed up til 4am) and half of it got deleted somehow. That REALLY set me back. Really. I could hardly find the motivation to finish this until now. At this moment, the glorious smell of bacon is compelling me to get off my chair and devour it. But I also REALLY wanna finish this. So for once, my will wins in the end! XDD

**Soo. Crappy ending set aside, how'd my little *ahem* "yaoi moment" go for you guys? Please tell me, coz I wanna get better at them. *pouty Allen eyes* **

**(also..i kinda got in mind like..another part to this fic..so...sequel? or no coz it was crappy as HEOOOOO, but yeah. tell me whatcha think ._.)**

**REVIEWS MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND. **

**YES THEY DO. IT'S NOT MONEY OR THE EARTH SPINNING ON ITS AXIS.**

**YOU HAVE BEEN LIED TO!!!! O.O**

**REVIEW!!! **

pwease.

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